Contentment Part. II
Since I was young, my father taught me to have ambition. As a young man, I have a lot of years ahead of me, I have the power and energy to chase all the possibilities in the world. My father has taught me how to dream, he proved that to me with his life experiences. At the dinner tables, he always tells me about his dreams and keeps reminding me that I should have dreams and that I need to put in hard work for them to come true. It is hard to dream about a future that isn’t oriented around a 9-to-5 job when you were born into a traditional Asian family, but he supported my dreams although he doesn’t approve of them. And I have the courage to chase things that were hard for me to imagine. Without him, I will not have a single bit of self-discipline, I might’ve been laying on my bed all day, eating junk food, waiting for the end of my life with a dreadful mind.
Throughout my life, my mother emphasized on being confident, and tolerant. It may surprise some people, but I was born a very sensitive and timid child, so far in my life, I dealt with a lot of unconfidence and self-doubt, she lectured me to not overthink, and her words have saved me. I used to worry and care about a lot of things, my emotions overtook me whenever I was upset, and I was unhappy. In my parents’ words, I was very feminine, I cried all the time, and was too self-conscious. But because my mother taught me not to care about things, through that, I let go of more things, and the masculinity within saved me as a man.
Because of the arguments I had with my sister, I learned that people can be so different, in some situations, no matter how hard you try, you may never be able to persuade them. Through years of that experience, I learned to be able always to sit down and respect them as a person even if I completely disagree with their ideas. I used to get mad over things some people told me to do that was against my values, but now I learned that they just think in a different way, and as long as I know they come from a point of good intentions, I should not put my anger on them anymore. Because of our experiences, I was emotionally inspired to start caring less, and accepting the path where I can stop worrying about the future of my family, and just let them be.
My family was never much peaceful, there were always fights, and arguments going on, thus I can say I was raised in chaos. Because of the chaos, at a young age, while others panicked in places, I learned to find peace in some of the most frightening situations, and I understood that logic and reasons are what actually solves problems.
My parents sent me to study in the United States, and I gained the resources to some of the newest knowledge, and through them and the different experiences, I gained a lot more wisdom, thus making me more fulfilled, and more clear with what I want in life.
And just because of all these environments I grew up in, all the things that happened in my life, I learned to be logical and calm, and have the courage to believe in myself, have the dreams to guide me, and use my logical thinking to solve the issues I see along the way to my goals. Because of the logical ideas to solve the problems I face on my way to my goals, I discovered great books and great philosophies. Over the last year, I learned wisdom from Marcus Aurelius, which became my cure for unhappiness. Just because of everything that happened in my life, I was able to get here, I used to compare myself to people who achieved more than me, I was never happy, but now I learned to see how lucky and happy I am compared to some other people, I felt content. Meanwhile, I still maintained to push myself for the better. My life got here due to so many butterfly effects, and these things that happened in my life are what brought me here. I learned to let go of the flaw of our societies, lives, world, and any flaw that I can’t change. After all that, I genuinely feel free.
I am not satisfied with the flaws I can change now, but I don’t complain about them anymore. Because it’s everything that happened in my life, that made me who I am today. Over the 20 years of journey, it was tough sometimes, but I learned to see the positives they brought to me, and that, made me content with what I possess right now.
Endnote:
As life paces on, there are always times you gain revelations when you are moved by incidents that happened in the moments when you are confused.
Due to a traumatizing experience I had a few years ago, I was lost. I knew what I want in life, however, because of that experience, I lost my confidence to chase after it. The term dreaming big echoed around my ears 24/7, but because I lost my confidence in it, I was afraid to think about the future I want, while being so unsure of what I am doing right now. I could picture myself doing a job I don’t like, and just having the negative emotions burst out the time to seek freedom. And I wrote all that into a fiction story, called “A grand pilgrimage”, which I may publish soon. I was in misery, kept myself busy, and forced myself to be productive, it did help to some extent, although, I still can’t feel that burning passion I used to have in my teenage years.
I thought that maybe, that’s just what you learn after you turn into an adult, and I just have to accept it. The older people are, the less they tend to desire, maybe, I was just experiencing the effect of it. However, the thought of how am I so unmotivated strikes my head so often, that I finally realized that, maybe this is not normal. After realizing that, I took time to sit down and reflect on myself, then figured that, maybe I just wasn’t dared to dream again, and that caused me unmotivated.
My life turned around after a heartfelt talk with my father, his words resolved some of the misunderstandings I had, and I learned that I can pursue a life I can lead if I want it bad enough.
Since then, I kept coming to my father to talk about the things I struggle with, and through that, I learned to control that trauma, and face it. I knew that my father isn’t right on everything, and which, me neither, and I’d say nobody is, but his positive spirit is definitely something I do not possess at this point in my life. I got influenced by his spirit again, and so far as I remember, I am possibly at my happiest since the traumas happened. At first, I was very angry after realizing the experience I had years ago was what blanked my life for a few years. However, as they keep appearing, I found that maybe holding resentment wasn’t the best for my recovery, then I went with the totally opposite approach, which is forgiving. I’m not sure if there’s something else that limits me from that traumatic experience, but I learned to not complain about what happened in the past. And since, I learned to look on the good sides of all things, let go of what bothered me in my mind, I got to feel grateful for some of the most massive struggles that had happened to me in a content way.
And through all that, I felt so inspired, therefore I wrote this.
